Through my eyes

living my life without regrets

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Let the play begin

6.30 am and the sun shines brightly on my face. Frost covers the roof of my car and since the heat is turned off in our house the air is still chilly. It is hard to leave the warmth of the bed but after 8 hours of sleep Mother Nature calls from the bathroom. My world around me is still asleep. Today, unusual for me, I brew coffee and while it perks I check my e-mail. No news from GlobeRiders, all seems well and I should rest easy. I still have no Visa from Turkmenistan; still have no news about how I will go from Azerbaijan to Uzbekistan. I am still in limbo. I feel anxiety in the morning?
I did all I could to pack and re-pack, I thought about it for days now and I am ready to go.
Off to the shower and while the weather is that nice I might as well practice some riding in the local Nature Preserve. Wow, did I get fat! Looking into the mirror I do not really like what I see. The good life has taking hold of me. Social affairs, family functions and plain good living gave me quit a chunk of blubber.
It is time I start riding and shake off some pounds. I feel a bit nervous about riding. It’s the fear of the unknown. The reports I read about narrow minded, religious zealots, about thieves, about a so different culture creates uneasiness inside of me.
Am I smart enough to stay out of trouble? Am I savvy enough to blend in without being noticed too much? I hear the famous saying ‘you have nothing to fear but fear itself ‘inside of my head and while I can not help my feelings and still feel the anxieties I will go and I am ready. It is comparable to ‘stage fright’ before the curtain rises. All the lines are in my head, all the preparations are done. My dialog with myself seems to be on overdrive. It is really time to start. Enough of the preparation, enough of the thinking of ‘if’ and ‘when’ and ‘could’.
I am glad I have some experiences to fall back on, I am glad I know myself that much that I believe I will survive. This is not getting ready for battle; this is supposed to be an enjoyable ‘vacation’ trip. Remember, I am staying in Hotels. Not in my tent.
(Why does that bother me?). Fear of the unknown?
My mind seems to ramble without really being focused. What if I forgot something? Did I buy the right boots? How can I overcome the broken computer? Why did I eat that cookie?
I am ready, let the show get on the road.

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